Well lads and gents. I’ve already looked at the best games of 2016 already but before we look at the best of 2016, we must look at the worst. Without further adieu, I present to you the worst films of 2016. I apologize for any cursing that may ensue in the next 800 words but with these movies it is necessary to curse sometimes. (Note from the editor: all the links go to the reviews that I wrote and if I didn’t review it, then there’s a little surprise if you want to click.)
Keeping Up with the Joneses (Score: 4.6): There’s not much I can say about this here movie. It was a bad comedy. Boring and not really funny in any way. The most disappointing thing was that it could’ve been really good. It had a decent premise but wasted all of its potential on the hope that Zach Galifinanakis’ talents, which sadly are non existent outside of the Hangover movies.
Assassins Creed (Score:5.8): This isn’t the worst film I saw this year but Fassbender’s newest film lands a spot on this list because of what it represents and that is horrible movie adaptations of video game series. This movie could’ve been great but instead it was a hot mess and a sad attempt at making a good movie. The acting sucked. The music was inconsistent and strange. The shots and presentation was similar to a movie from the 1990s. Overall it was an average film but because of what it did to video game movies, it cements a place here on this here list.
X-Men Apocalypse (Score: DNR): After the last two X Men movies (First Class and Days of Future Past), I was hoping that Apocalypse would continue that trend, yet what we got was a return to the form of X3 and Wolverine Origins. For those of you that didn’t get that, let me explain. This movie was bad. A whole lot of mindless action that is utterly boring and useless. The only thing worth redeeming here is the few scenes with Quicksilver but even those few moments aren’t really worth it. Do yourself a favor and just avoid it.
Masterminds (Score: 4.8): Another classic Galifinanakis performance in another piss poor comedy. It really amazes me that he can still get roles in movies cause he just isn’t that funny. Maybe with a good ensemble cast around him but in a movie like this one where everything is dependent on him, the movie will suck. Bad. Maybe next year we can get a somewhat good comedy but for now, just go watch something better on Netflix.
The Magnificent Seven (Score: 4.6): This movie had marketing out the wazoo and I expected big things so slap me ass and call me Sally when it turns out that it wasn’t that good. If you want to see a good action movie, go see Rogue One or one of the Marvel movies that came out this year and if you want to see a good western, then go watch Westworld. Just don’t watch this.
Nerve (Score: 4.8): Here is a movie that is so bad I don’t even know what to say about it. It was bad. Like really bad. Looking back on the score I gave it, I think I was being pretty damn generous cause it is not deserving of an almost 5. It may be the worst movie of the year (well you know it would be if you exclude all the horrendously bad movies that no sane person would go and see like the Room).
War Dogs (Score: 5.6): I was genuinely looking forward to seeing this film and was massively disappointed when I found out it was bad. Again, a movie with a fantastic premise but just kind of shit the bed with it. Not even Jonah Hill could save this one. Or maybe he’s the reason it sucked. Oh well. Either way, awful. Just awful.
TMNT 2 (Score: DNR): Now hold on. A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie is bad? I know I know I was shocked too. Imagine my surprise when I went to see the new TMNT movie thinking it’d be decent only to come out of it wishing I had watched paint dry for two hours instead. I think the takeaway from this one is that not even Michael Bay can save TMNT. Oh well. We’ll always have the animated series.
Inferno (Score: 4.8): I loved Angels vs Demons and the Da Vinci Code but Inferno is bad. Just bad. Tom Hanks is like the Brett Favre of acting. Perfect and amazing at times (see Sully) and just plain awful at others (see this movie). I guess this movie is further proof that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Free State of Jones (Score: 5.8): As I said in one of my first reviews, I love history and a movie about the civil war that is not about Lincoln or slaves really excited me, however it is clear that the McConaissance is over. As the final movie on this list, Free State of Jones is just unnecessary. It just doesn’t do anything. The story is good but you could save yourself 2 hours by going to Wikipedia and just reading about the conflict from there. Again. All I can say is oh well.
Well that rounds out the crap of 2016. Stay tuned here for the cream of the crop of 2016!